Prologue

If you could rewrite the past, would you? 
Would you rewind and set the wrongs right? 
How frequently would you make amendments and at what point would you be happy with the results? 
When would enough be good enough and when would it all simply be ENOUGH? 

This was the pop quiz playing in my head after I watched About Time starring Domhnall Gleeson and Rachel McAdams (still looking exactly as she did in The Notebook – what pill is she taking?). The story is of a young man who, on his 21st birthday discovers that he has the ability to travel in time. As you’d probably guess, the movie naturally revolves around him constantly and conveniently going back to the past to improve his future. 

Similarly in the sense that both depict the tale of having 100% control of your future is a movie called Ruby Sparks where a young author, battling with his romance life, writes his ideal girlfriend to life; she is and does exactly what he wants – how’s that for “ticking all the boxes”?

As cool as it sounds, if a genie were to appear to me tomorrow, none of my three wishes would be wasted on time travel. I believe that everything that happens in our lives occurs exactly when it’s meant to. To tamper with life in that manner would simply be a disservice to really living.

You know you often hear about how people who've worked in corporate suddenly "find their music" and leave their handsomely paying jobs to open a cake shop or travel to Africa in efforts to stop hunger, and perhaps adopt a poor African child or two? For me my music was not found outside of corporate but rather in a different industry. 

One of the hardest decisions I’ve had to make has been an oxymoron because it was also the easiest – taking the plunge and making a drastic career switch to do exactly what I’ve always wanted to do. I tried this in my first year of working and again in my second year but as time would have it; it just wasn’t the right time. It wasn’t until I was well into my third year that the time seemed ripe, ironically this was when I was starting to get comfortable in my role. I was on a progressive path, I worked for an awesome company with amazing people and amazing brands but I just recall sitting in a strategy meeting for a new product launch thinking, "does the world really need another biscuit?!". Because that's what's it's all about right? Branding, regardless of what your product is, is centred within finding "the next big thing" but the next big thing is usually a slight variation of the existing BIG thing be it new packaging, new flavours, new features; we're really just…reinventing the wheel. Not to knock Marketing but as much as it came naturally to me, it really wasn’t something I wanted to wake up to five days a week, I had to make a U-turn – and so I entered the wonderful world of banking. The end goal was always either a taste of Wall Street or Canary Wharf, how, I had no idea but it was going to happened one way or another.

Investment Banking is certainly not like the movies but I’m pretty sure that there’s a doctor out there who chose their career thinking everyday life would be like an episode of Grey’s Anatomy or Scrubs. But as far removed from what Hollywood has sold us, I wouldn’t have had it any other way, no need to go back to the past, no need to re-write the script. 

I look back at 2014 and am grateful for every experience, the ups and the downs of starting over. The biggest downside of it is age-centric because well at certain ages we're expected to be at certain points in our lives. When I resigned from my previous company, one of my managers even sternly reminded me that I was not getting any younger, I nodded in feign acknowledgement but in my head I was thinking and that’s is exactly why I’m doing this.
 
Yes, of course it takes you back because you know your peers are going to continue to climb the ladder you once started together but it also teaches you to focus on your own path. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life in a corner office 10 years from now wondering what it would’ve been like had I followed my heart. I wanted to find out immediately and I knew that putting it off would not make this any less desirable and well, you know what they say; it’s better to be at the bottom of a ladder you want to climb than halfway up one you have no desire to.

A lot of people were concerned, a lot doubted and others asked me what I’d do if I did the move and realised that the grass wasn’t greener but for me it wasn’t even about the colour of the grass but rather taking the risk and then living to tell the tale, happy ending or tragic. My tale hasn’t even started yet, the year 2014 was just the prologue.

Catchphrase: G.O.A.T

I have this thing where when I hear about someone inspirational I go into CIA mode. I gather all information that can possibly be available (to me) on that person; interviews, documentaries, books, movies, ex-wives, neighbour’s kids, dog’s DNA…anything! One of those people has been Muhammad Ali, this is largely due to my older brother’s obsession with the man (read as The Champ).

In our courting stage (i.e. getting to know him better), I watched a documentary titled Muhammad Ali: The Greatest of All Time (G.O.A.T in social media speak). Well you could say things were getting pretty serious – by the end of the documentary I felt like I knew the man (read as The Champ). I was ready to jump straight into marriage!

Today that documentary has become my “feel good song”. There’s something about watching it that makes me just believe in myself, it makes me feel…invincible *cues dramatic superhero music*

See, I used to be that person who only does better when they get a stamp of approval from a person of authority. Though I longed for it, I was never one to “prove them wrong”. I required acknowledgement and validation in order to get better. Now this is a dangerous zone because when enough people constantly told me I couldn't or I wouldn't, I didn't. This stemmed from always being the “model kid”. From being the only one of my friends in the hood who could speak English, from being the first beginner swimmer to use the kicking board (refer to my blog post titled S.W.I.M), from being made captain of the first team hockey (more because of my leadership qualities – my friend Nontobeko was definitely the better player) from being made athletics captain of our house team in grade 7, from being made the first black (yes I pulled the race card) Head Girl of my primary school, from being given a solo part in the school choir (because I was Head Girl). Side note: I actually cannot sing and my Mom was shocked when I told her I'd made choir, let alone the fact that I was also selected to be the BEYONCE of the choir! And so the cycle continued throughout high school and university. I just worked hard and everything due to me came my way, and I guess I was likeable. And then, I started working!

My first year went pretty well, then going into my second I worked for a manager I must've rubbed up the wrong way because I was born. Out of the blue (true story) they completely changed the way they treated me. To this day I'm still not sure of what I did or didn't do and I have never bothered to go CIA on that issue. It was like a long and winded telenovela-episode period of my life which I shall tell in detail on my Oprah interview, which she seems to have forgotten about. I haven't *side eye*

To maintain your attention I’ll stop there. *Fast-forward* I decided to move cities got a new job and decided from then on to take on life with a Muhammad-Ali-kinda-attitude (taken down a few notches). My mission became being great, believing I was great and convincing others of my greatness through hard work and persistence (refer to Project Management blog post). What had changed my attitude? The infamous Muhammad Ali “underwater training regime” shot. The man (read as The Champ) managed to get himself a two-page spread in Life magazine after photographer Flip Schulke told him there was no way he (Ali) could get coverage in the magazine. No, the story doesn’t end there; Schulke eventually shot him (with a camera) after Ali told him that he was the only boxer in the world who trained under water. Success. Nobody could tell His Greatness he couldn't. Nevah!

And now we have all these cool images, only thing is…Ali couldn't even swim (watch the documentary for this one).

Tame your Tongue

“We are what we repeatedly do” Aristotle

At the beginning of October I embarked on a personal challenge I would like to call “taming my tongue”, which entailed telling the truth no matter what. Now I’m no pathological liar but over the past couple of days I’ve come to realise just how much I lie on a daily basis. And by lying I don’t mean hiding a man’s body under my bed and then telling people the off smell in my room is due to the bacon and egg sandwich I had forgotten under the bed for 8 months, no, I’m talking silly lies, like telling my mom I was actually about to call her when she calls to find out why I hadn’t called in three days or telling the beggar on the side of the road I have no food for her while subtly pushing my half eaten Steers burger under my seat (not that I do such things). Minor things, harmless even, but lies nonetheless.

I don’t care who you are but it’s not easy to be 100% honest (this includes “omitting the truth” as others may say, where you neither lie nor are you fully honest).  The truth is (see what I did there?), sometimes you are pushed into a corner and the only lifeline that you have is a little “harmless” white lie. Take my case for instance, when I was in Grade Two, every Monday we would have to write “News” of what we did over the weekend and the people with the best news would be granted the privilege of re-telling their news in oral form to the entire class. Now my family did not do fun family things over the weekend so after growing tired of my boring News, one Monday I simply wrote the date, the heading “News” and one sentence “This weekend I sat and did nothing”, I remember my teacher, Mrs Rattray, wrote boldly in her red pen “All weekend???” then she put a big fat sad face! That was the last time I ever had boring news, from then on I miraculously had fun things to do on weekends, and when I say fun I mean a breath short of going to Disney World! I had more fun stories to tell than my Caucasian friends who always for some reason did things on weekends (??) I finally had a chance to shine on the grade two carpet, re-telling my news! Of course 99% of my stories were merely figments of my imagination and in retrospect I think Mrs Rattray most likely saw right through my white lies but she probably enjoyed the stories too much to give me the third degree!

Lying is really just a way of running away from reality mixed with the fear taking accountability for your actions (more often than not, of what you have not done)! While my weekend news of fictitious stories were harmless, they were unnecessary and benefitted nobody. They achieved nothing but painted me as someone that I was not.

It’s easy to tell your boss you’ve done something when you haven’t, what is not easy is admitting that you forgot because you know it will make you look incompetent. But hey, once in a while we all make mistakes and at times some tasks slip our minds. Sure you may say you’ve sent that email or balanced those books or called your agency to schedule a meeting knowing very well you haven’t then hastily do it before anybody notices to make it look like “you got this” but when the truth comes out, as it usually does, all you are left with is egg on your face and a tainted reputation. Be a man/woman of your word, don’t leave things for last minute and don’t make promises you can’t keep, it’s such things that push you into a corner forcing you to lie and not just in the work place but in life in general. Learn to tame your tongue!

In closing I would like to close off with the following quote by Mahatma Ghandi which pretty much summarises my point of this whole post:

“Your words become your actions, 

Your actions become your habits, 

Your habits become your values”

Therefore, think before you speak and think before you act because your actions and your values are what build your character!

Middle Child Problems

Jan 2012, My brother & I

On the 19^th May 2000 my parents welcomed the cutest baby boy in the world. Honestly, I have yet to see a baby cuter than my little brother!

 All was hunky dory except for one little factor! Nobody had told me about it! Yes! My mother was pregnant for nine months! NINE MONTHS (as is usually the case with these things)! And I had no idea! Everybody knew except for me! Aunts, uncles and grandparents included. How messed up is my family? How did I eventually find out? My grandfather came to pick me up from a hockey match and whisked me off to hospital to meet my new brother! Yup! True story!

Now I have never discussed this little big issue with my parents but I suspect that after 12 years of being the last born, my parents could not bring themselves to sit me down and make me realise that this title would soon be stripped away from me! I was officially about to earn the dreaded middle child title!

After having read my blog, someone told me that I reflected characteristics of the middle child. Obviously my response was very defensive because when you think middle child, you automatically think middle child syndrome, you think longing for a sense of belonging, feeling neglected, invisible blah blah blah…So in efforts to prove myself normal I went and did my research on birth orders and I came across this test (see link below if you also wish to take it) which I took to prove wrong, only for the results to come back as positive. I am the middle child through and through.

They say everybody on the internet is an expert these days but I would just like to put it out there that I am nowhere near being  one, I merely put together findings from some articles I came across, written by real experts.

From my research I found out how your birth order translates to behaviours in the work place.

(Main source: http://www.nfib.com/business-resources/business-resources-item?cmsid=33417  )

First Borns are likely to embody the following characteristics:

·         Practical

·         Confident

·         Able to delegate

·         Able to make rapid decisions

·         Possess the desire to win or excel

·         May be intolerant of those who do not work at 100 percent capacity

·         Overly cautious and avoid risks, hindering career advancement

You are mostly likely to find first borns in the fields of business, law, medicine and finance.

Middle Born

·         Team players

·         Creative

·         Good peacemakers and coordinators

·         Ok with working for work’s sake

Dominant in the fields of the arts, music and writing

Last Born

·         Creative

·         Spontaneous

·         Team players

·         Know how to use every trick in the book to get ahead

Last borns often make good entrepreneurs

Only Child.

·         Perfectionist

·         Practical

·         Highly self-motivated

·         Work better individually

Only children are mostly likely to excel in any career from the arts to business to medicine

Any of these accurately describe you in the group you fall under?

Birth order test: http://www.parents.com/parents/quiz.jsp?quizId=/templatedata/ab/quiz/data/BirthOrderQuiz_03052004.xml

S.W.I.M

Black  people swimming. Oxymoron perhaps? Well I'll tell you one thing, back in primary school when people of colour were still the minority in model-c schools, when it came to swimming, things were, how should I put this? AWKWARD! I remember my first swimming lesson, first grade, age 6, all the Caucasians (and my friend Sanele as the only black representative) jumped in and started to swim laps, while the rest of us non Caucasians  (yes Indian included, all one of her) did the "chuchu train" which entailed holding on the the wall and moving along like a train. The only thing we had in common with the "advanced" swimmers was that we all got wet *holds back tears*

A couple of lessons later I decided I had had enough and took the plunge! I let go of the wall! I was the first of the beginners to break free, graduating from wall-holding to a kicking board!!! 

And that was the highlight of my swimming career.

This year I decided to resume swimming. Obviously I had come a long way from the "chuchu train" days but I was no Chad le Clos. I was actually really inspired by the SA team at the Olympics last year, so decided I would give this a go and perhaps, hopefully maybe, one day in my dreams, in my next life, I would swim for South Africa *clears throat*

So I did a bit of research, emailed a few schools called a few places until I found My Swim, a swimming school in Olivedale, Johannesburg. It's perfect and for all ages and all levels of swimming. 

I have gone religiously every week even during winter! Every week is a focus on a different stroke. First you do legs, then arms then full stroke. I thought doing breaststroke with no legs (legs crossed) was bad...until I moved on to butterfly!!

Butterfly! After my first attempt at this style, I turned around and  told my instructor that if ever I was thrown in the sea and a shark was after me, I doubt I'll ever default to butterfly!

I have since improved and starting to even enjoy it! But even then I would still pick the other three over butterfly in an attempt water/shark getaway...though I have never seen one revert to backstroke in the movies when chased by a shark *thinking*

Swimming is actually not as bad as people make it out to be. Once you get your breathing right and learn to relax your body, half the battle is won!

This topic is a bit left field from what I usually write but the purpose was to subtly convince people, especially my people of colour to take up swimming as a pastime. This business of black people not being able to swim is just about as inaccurate as "white man can't jump"...no wait, bad comparison.

I have always been about living a balanced life. I played sports from hockey to netball (which I bowed down gracefully out of after only making the D team in high school), to basketball and athletics throughout my school career and still managed to get good grades. During my university years I traded this for gym which I've maintained to this day. 

In a late meeting at work I once mentioned I had to go swimming (I swim in the evenings) and everybody laughed (because I'm black). But I was serious, that's what happens when you're me. I'm so random  and sarcastic my boss says she often can't tell if I'm being serious or not *sigh*

Besides the health and fitness benefits of swimming, for me it was more about the discipline of picking something, sticking to it and working at perfecting it.

So one day. While you're busy having a fun time at the beach there in Durban (because Cape Town water is just too cold) and you see a black girl swimming away from a ferocious shark, smile and wave...and then probably rush for help! A pool is one thing but the ocean, well that's another story! 

Project Management

So I'm about six months away from my third year anniversary of being in the www (wonderful working world) and I really feel it's high time somebody gave me a directorship role or something! What does a girl need to do to be appointed as CEO around here?! …don't answer that! 

I know it takes a lot of hard work, dedication and years of experience to get to the top but believe me, I'm climbing; Project Management or man-AGE-ment as Trevor Noah would say is well under way. I’ve taken a lot of knocks along the way (and I know there are plenty more to come) and only those really close to me know exactly to what extent but through it all I’ve managed to keep my head up and tread on! I acknowledge that I’m still pretty much a rookie in all this but I thought I would share some of the things that I’ve learnt through my experiences:

 

1.        Speak up

I learnt this the hard way and it even affected my career growth at some point. I’m a very opinionated person in general but loud is not what most people would describe me. I won’t go into an argument unless I know all the facts but I’ve come to learn that sometimes you just have to speak your mind, challenge points and raise your own. Nothing says forgettable more than being (as silent as) a mouse. If you never speak up, you really don’t exist. So who’s going to give you opportunities if you are invisible?

If you find this difficult to do, I suggest you pick up a book titled “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain (or you could check out her website: http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/). The book doesn’t necessarily push introverts to change into extroverts but rather for introverts to find the power within and shine in a world where everybody is expected to be bold! Through this book I’ve not only learnt to embrace my introverted nature but also somehow transformed into an “extravert” (cross between introvert and extrovert).

 

2.        Roll with the punches

It’s tough out here! But the more you get ruffled, the tougher your skin gets the better you get at handling tough situations. In the wise words of Joseph P. Kennedy “when the going gets tough, the tough get going” and why would one even dispute? If you know anything about the Kennedy’s you’d know that even if you were the dog’s walker’s friend’s sister’s wife you would be privy to some of their wealth, power and success…ok, maybe not so much, but their successes must’ve been due to endurance during tough situations, as is with all the other successful people we know!

 

3.        Takes risks

The worse that could happen is you getting fired and out of a job and left out to beg in the dusty streets of Johannesburg not knowing where your next meal will come from. Who needs a job anyway? Kidding! In my second year of my degree, the first thing I learnt in my Investments class was the bigger the risk, the greater the reward, and so it stands in life. Yes, you may get your fingers burnt but most of the time, taking a leap of faith is usually worth all the burns.

 

4.        Think outside the box

This is tough when working with people over 100 years old because they are usually not open to new things. Nonetheless, try new things. I’m quite lucky in this regard because the role I took on was completely new which means I get to set the precedent! I like order, which is perfect because my boss is a perfectionist on steroids so most of the time we are building new business processes and constantly looking for new ways to make the business money outside its day to day practices.

 

5.        Ask for challenges

Nothing gets to me more than boredom! My brain needs to be used to full capacity and until I can work out a Rubik cube in 2 minutes flat, I will be asking for challenges. And then when I figure out this Rubik cube thing, I’ll look for a tougher benchmark then I’ll TAKE OVER THE WORLD *cues “Pinkie and the Brain” theme song*

 

6.        Ask questions

How will you learn otherwise?

 

7.        Keep track of your performance

Different companies call performance documents different names, but whether called a KPA, KPD, PO etc., keep on top of it. These measures are not only to keep the company informed on your level of competency, but also for your own tracking purposes and to be conscious of your strengths and weaknesses, leveraging off the former and improving the latter.

 

8.        Stay in check i.e. Don’t. Check. Out!

I think the minute we are unhappy with our jobs or serving notice, it almost becomes inevitable to check out mentally from your current role. But as long as you are still there, you might as well get the job done right, you don’t want to leave a bad taste in your old employer’s mouth once you move on, even if you never plan to go back there.

 

 

9.        Build strong working relationships

In Zulu we say “umuntu, ungumuntu, ngabantu” the English equivalent of this is “No man is an island”

One of my first bosses when I was working in sales back in 2011, used to always tell me, you need to gain people’s trust so that they can support you along the way! I’ve seen this pan out in my daily dealings, if people like you, they will support you in all that you do, and the higher their power, the faster you can get things done. But obviously for you to gain their trust you have to prove yourself to them, and you have to be nice (not in a “I’m-sucking-up-and-do-not-have-a-back-bone kind of way though), you have to show competency, you have to show up and you must be the perfect picture of humility, which brings me to my last point…

 

10.     Stay humble

Nobody likes a show off!

 

I’m going to come back to this list in a couple of years’ time to sense check its accuracy, obviously it’s not exhaustive but I doubt I’m too far off the mark.

About Time

“When you kill time, remember that it has no resurrection.”  - A.W. Tozer

When God was handing out friends, he reserved all the unpunctual ones for me!

I am a punctual person. I like to be on time and when people need me to get things done I like to deliver before they expect it. I however, have exactly one punctual friend. Lulu is so punctual she makes me look bad! She's the only person I know who's more punctual than my dad. Back in the day going to town use to be a treat for us; my dad would say "wait for me by the car in five minutes” and if you were there in six minutes, you could wave the trip to town goodbye. Sorry for you! Better luck next month!

If I measured the status of my friendships by punctuality I would have no friends. Oh ok, I’d have one. This is how my friends operate: if I need them to be somewhere at 14h00, I tell them to be there at 12h00 and I can expect the first person to get there at 16h00! No names mentioned *sips water*

They say wasting someone's time is the same as disrespecting them as a person. We all have 24 hours and once a second has passed you can never get it back. Unless you can physically remove an hour from your day and donate it to somebody else, respect every second of their time! It's simple etiquette, if you're going to be late, notify people well in advance. If it happens again...don't let it happen again!

Time heals all wounds

When I was younger this was in a literal sense. I would fall and earn a huge scab on my leg but in time the skin would gradually reconnect and I would heal. The older you get the more you wish that this would be the only kind of hurt you would go through! But it still remains, over time you heal nonetheless.

Perfection takes time

I need to meditate on this! I'm a perfectionist who doesn't have time to take time to perfect anything; I want to perfect it and I want to perfect it NOW! Blame my zodiac sign for this.

In time you will get what is due to you 

We get so caught up keeping up with the Joneses we forget that we did not start the race at the same time, let alone run on the same track! We put ourselves under unnecessary pressure because you look to the right and Sipho is on property ownership number two at the tender age of 25 (*side note* ever noticed how in primary school story sums there is always a Sipho- who is this Sipho guy??), you look to the left and Sandy just got her big break...FOR THE TENTH TIME! Life is unfair like that, we can’t just get what we want when we want it, but in time, all that’s due to you will make its way to you. So learn to be patient, keep moving forward and focus on your own race.

And that’s all I have for this time. Thank you for taking the time to stop by! Till next time...