Tame your Tongue

“We are what we repeatedly do” Aristotle

At the beginning of October I embarked on a personal challenge I would like to call “taming my tongue”, which entailed telling the truth no matter what. Now I’m no pathological liar but over the past couple of days I’ve come to realise just how much I lie on a daily basis. And by lying I don’t mean hiding a man’s body under my bed and then telling people the off smell in my room is due to the bacon and egg sandwich I had forgotten under the bed for 8 months, no, I’m talking silly lies, like telling my mom I was actually about to call her when she calls to find out why I hadn’t called in three days or telling the beggar on the side of the road I have no food for her while subtly pushing my half eaten Steers burger under my seat (not that I do such things). Minor things, harmless even, but lies nonetheless.

I don’t care who you are but it’s not easy to be 100% honest (this includes “omitting the truth” as others may say, where you neither lie nor are you fully honest).  The truth is (see what I did there?), sometimes you are pushed into a corner and the only lifeline that you have is a little “harmless” white lie. Take my case for instance, when I was in Grade Two, every Monday we would have to write “News” of what we did over the weekend and the people with the best news would be granted the privilege of re-telling their news in oral form to the entire class. Now my family did not do fun family things over the weekend so after growing tired of my boring News, one Monday I simply wrote the date, the heading “News” and one sentence “This weekend I sat and did nothing”, I remember my teacher, Mrs Rattray, wrote boldly in her red pen “All weekend???” then she put a big fat sad face! That was the last time I ever had boring news, from then on I miraculously had fun things to do on weekends, and when I say fun I mean a breath short of going to Disney World! I had more fun stories to tell than my Caucasian friends who always for some reason did things on weekends (??) I finally had a chance to shine on the grade two carpet, re-telling my news! Of course 99% of my stories were merely figments of my imagination and in retrospect I think Mrs Rattray most likely saw right through my white lies but she probably enjoyed the stories too much to give me the third degree!

Lying is really just a way of running away from reality mixed with the fear taking accountability for your actions (more often than not, of what you have not done)! While my weekend news of fictitious stories were harmless, they were unnecessary and benefitted nobody. They achieved nothing but painted me as someone that I was not.

It’s easy to tell your boss you’ve done something when you haven’t, what is not easy is admitting that you forgot because you know it will make you look incompetent. But hey, once in a while we all make mistakes and at times some tasks slip our minds. Sure you may say you’ve sent that email or balanced those books or called your agency to schedule a meeting knowing very well you haven’t then hastily do it before anybody notices to make it look like “you got this” but when the truth comes out, as it usually does, all you are left with is egg on your face and a tainted reputation. Be a man/woman of your word, don’t leave things for last minute and don’t make promises you can’t keep, it’s such things that push you into a corner forcing you to lie and not just in the work place but in life in general. Learn to tame your tongue!

In closing I would like to close off with the following quote by Mahatma Ghandi which pretty much summarises my point of this whole post:

“Your words become your actions, 

Your actions become your habits, 

Your habits become your values”

Therefore, think before you speak and think before you act because your actions and your values are what build your character!

Middle Child Problems

Jan 2012, My brother & I

On the 19^th May 2000 my parents welcomed the cutest baby boy in the world. Honestly, I have yet to see a baby cuter than my little brother!

 All was hunky dory except for one little factor! Nobody had told me about it! Yes! My mother was pregnant for nine months! NINE MONTHS (as is usually the case with these things)! And I had no idea! Everybody knew except for me! Aunts, uncles and grandparents included. How messed up is my family? How did I eventually find out? My grandfather came to pick me up from a hockey match and whisked me off to hospital to meet my new brother! Yup! True story!

Now I have never discussed this little big issue with my parents but I suspect that after 12 years of being the last born, my parents could not bring themselves to sit me down and make me realise that this title would soon be stripped away from me! I was officially about to earn the dreaded middle child title!

After having read my blog, someone told me that I reflected characteristics of the middle child. Obviously my response was very defensive because when you think middle child, you automatically think middle child syndrome, you think longing for a sense of belonging, feeling neglected, invisible blah blah blah…So in efforts to prove myself normal I went and did my research on birth orders and I came across this test (see link below if you also wish to take it) which I took to prove wrong, only for the results to come back as positive. I am the middle child through and through.

They say everybody on the internet is an expert these days but I would just like to put it out there that I am nowhere near being  one, I merely put together findings from some articles I came across, written by real experts.

From my research I found out how your birth order translates to behaviours in the work place.

(Main source: http://www.nfib.com/business-resources/business-resources-item?cmsid=33417  )

First Borns are likely to embody the following characteristics:

·         Practical

·         Confident

·         Able to delegate

·         Able to make rapid decisions

·         Possess the desire to win or excel

·         May be intolerant of those who do not work at 100 percent capacity

·         Overly cautious and avoid risks, hindering career advancement

You are mostly likely to find first borns in the fields of business, law, medicine and finance.

Middle Born

·         Team players

·         Creative

·         Good peacemakers and coordinators

·         Ok with working for work’s sake

Dominant in the fields of the arts, music and writing

Last Born

·         Creative

·         Spontaneous

·         Team players

·         Know how to use every trick in the book to get ahead

Last borns often make good entrepreneurs

Only Child.

·         Perfectionist

·         Practical

·         Highly self-motivated

·         Work better individually

Only children are mostly likely to excel in any career from the arts to business to medicine

Any of these accurately describe you in the group you fall under?

Birth order test: http://www.parents.com/parents/quiz.jsp?quizId=/templatedata/ab/quiz/data/BirthOrderQuiz_03052004.xml

S.W.I.M

Black  people swimming. Oxymoron perhaps? Well I'll tell you one thing, back in primary school when people of colour were still the minority in model-c schools, when it came to swimming, things were, how should I put this? AWKWARD! I remember my first swimming lesson, first grade, age 6, all the Caucasians (and my friend Sanele as the only black representative) jumped in and started to swim laps, while the rest of us non Caucasians  (yes Indian included, all one of her) did the "chuchu train" which entailed holding on the the wall and moving along like a train. The only thing we had in common with the "advanced" swimmers was that we all got wet *holds back tears*

A couple of lessons later I decided I had had enough and took the plunge! I let go of the wall! I was the first of the beginners to break free, graduating from wall-holding to a kicking board!!! 

And that was the highlight of my swimming career.

This year I decided to resume swimming. Obviously I had come a long way from the "chuchu train" days but I was no Chad le Clos. I was actually really inspired by the SA team at the Olympics last year, so decided I would give this a go and perhaps, hopefully maybe, one day in my dreams, in my next life, I would swim for South Africa *clears throat*

So I did a bit of research, emailed a few schools called a few places until I found My Swim, a swimming school in Olivedale, Johannesburg. It's perfect and for all ages and all levels of swimming. 

I have gone religiously every week even during winter! Every week is a focus on a different stroke. First you do legs, then arms then full stroke. I thought doing breaststroke with no legs (legs crossed) was bad...until I moved on to butterfly!!

Butterfly! After my first attempt at this style, I turned around and  told my instructor that if ever I was thrown in the sea and a shark was after me, I doubt I'll ever default to butterfly!

I have since improved and starting to even enjoy it! But even then I would still pick the other three over butterfly in an attempt water/shark getaway...though I have never seen one revert to backstroke in the movies when chased by a shark *thinking*

Swimming is actually not as bad as people make it out to be. Once you get your breathing right and learn to relax your body, half the battle is won!

This topic is a bit left field from what I usually write but the purpose was to subtly convince people, especially my people of colour to take up swimming as a pastime. This business of black people not being able to swim is just about as inaccurate as "white man can't jump"...no wait, bad comparison.

I have always been about living a balanced life. I played sports from hockey to netball (which I bowed down gracefully out of after only making the D team in high school), to basketball and athletics throughout my school career and still managed to get good grades. During my university years I traded this for gym which I've maintained to this day. 

In a late meeting at work I once mentioned I had to go swimming (I swim in the evenings) and everybody laughed (because I'm black). But I was serious, that's what happens when you're me. I'm so random  and sarcastic my boss says she often can't tell if I'm being serious or not *sigh*

Besides the health and fitness benefits of swimming, for me it was more about the discipline of picking something, sticking to it and working at perfecting it.

So one day. While you're busy having a fun time at the beach there in Durban (because Cape Town water is just too cold) and you see a black girl swimming away from a ferocious shark, smile and wave...and then probably rush for help! A pool is one thing but the ocean, well that's another story! 

Project Management

So I'm about six months away from my third year anniversary of being in the www (wonderful working world) and I really feel it's high time somebody gave me a directorship role or something! What does a girl need to do to be appointed as CEO around here?! …don't answer that! 

I know it takes a lot of hard work, dedication and years of experience to get to the top but believe me, I'm climbing; Project Management or man-AGE-ment as Trevor Noah would say is well under way. I’ve taken a lot of knocks along the way (and I know there are plenty more to come) and only those really close to me know exactly to what extent but through it all I’ve managed to keep my head up and tread on! I acknowledge that I’m still pretty much a rookie in all this but I thought I would share some of the things that I’ve learnt through my experiences:

 

1.        Speak up

I learnt this the hard way and it even affected my career growth at some point. I’m a very opinionated person in general but loud is not what most people would describe me. I won’t go into an argument unless I know all the facts but I’ve come to learn that sometimes you just have to speak your mind, challenge points and raise your own. Nothing says forgettable more than being (as silent as) a mouse. If you never speak up, you really don’t exist. So who’s going to give you opportunities if you are invisible?

If you find this difficult to do, I suggest you pick up a book titled “Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking” by Susan Cain (or you could check out her website: http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/). The book doesn’t necessarily push introverts to change into extroverts but rather for introverts to find the power within and shine in a world where everybody is expected to be bold! Through this book I’ve not only learnt to embrace my introverted nature but also somehow transformed into an “extravert” (cross between introvert and extrovert).

 

2.        Roll with the punches

It’s tough out here! But the more you get ruffled, the tougher your skin gets the better you get at handling tough situations. In the wise words of Joseph P. Kennedy “when the going gets tough, the tough get going” and why would one even dispute? If you know anything about the Kennedy’s you’d know that even if you were the dog’s walker’s friend’s sister’s wife you would be privy to some of their wealth, power and success…ok, maybe not so much, but their successes must’ve been due to endurance during tough situations, as is with all the other successful people we know!

 

3.        Takes risks

The worse that could happen is you getting fired and out of a job and left out to beg in the dusty streets of Johannesburg not knowing where your next meal will come from. Who needs a job anyway? Kidding! In my second year of my degree, the first thing I learnt in my Investments class was the bigger the risk, the greater the reward, and so it stands in life. Yes, you may get your fingers burnt but most of the time, taking a leap of faith is usually worth all the burns.

 

4.        Think outside the box

This is tough when working with people over 100 years old because they are usually not open to new things. Nonetheless, try new things. I’m quite lucky in this regard because the role I took on was completely new which means I get to set the precedent! I like order, which is perfect because my boss is a perfectionist on steroids so most of the time we are building new business processes and constantly looking for new ways to make the business money outside its day to day practices.

 

5.        Ask for challenges

Nothing gets to me more than boredom! My brain needs to be used to full capacity and until I can work out a Rubik cube in 2 minutes flat, I will be asking for challenges. And then when I figure out this Rubik cube thing, I’ll look for a tougher benchmark then I’ll TAKE OVER THE WORLD *cues “Pinkie and the Brain” theme song*

 

6.        Ask questions

How will you learn otherwise?

 

7.        Keep track of your performance

Different companies call performance documents different names, but whether called a KPA, KPD, PO etc., keep on top of it. These measures are not only to keep the company informed on your level of competency, but also for your own tracking purposes and to be conscious of your strengths and weaknesses, leveraging off the former and improving the latter.

 

8.        Stay in check i.e. Don’t. Check. Out!

I think the minute we are unhappy with our jobs or serving notice, it almost becomes inevitable to check out mentally from your current role. But as long as you are still there, you might as well get the job done right, you don’t want to leave a bad taste in your old employer’s mouth once you move on, even if you never plan to go back there.

 

 

9.        Build strong working relationships

In Zulu we say “umuntu, ungumuntu, ngabantu” the English equivalent of this is “No man is an island”

One of my first bosses when I was working in sales back in 2011, used to always tell me, you need to gain people’s trust so that they can support you along the way! I’ve seen this pan out in my daily dealings, if people like you, they will support you in all that you do, and the higher their power, the faster you can get things done. But obviously for you to gain their trust you have to prove yourself to them, and you have to be nice (not in a “I’m-sucking-up-and-do-not-have-a-back-bone kind of way though), you have to show competency, you have to show up and you must be the perfect picture of humility, which brings me to my last point…

 

10.     Stay humble

Nobody likes a show off!

 

I’m going to come back to this list in a couple of years’ time to sense check its accuracy, obviously it’s not exhaustive but I doubt I’m too far off the mark.

About Time

“When you kill time, remember that it has no resurrection.”  - A.W. Tozer

When God was handing out friends, he reserved all the unpunctual ones for me!

I am a punctual person. I like to be on time and when people need me to get things done I like to deliver before they expect it. I however, have exactly one punctual friend. Lulu is so punctual she makes me look bad! She's the only person I know who's more punctual than my dad. Back in the day going to town use to be a treat for us; my dad would say "wait for me by the car in five minutes” and if you were there in six minutes, you could wave the trip to town goodbye. Sorry for you! Better luck next month!

If I measured the status of my friendships by punctuality I would have no friends. Oh ok, I’d have one. This is how my friends operate: if I need them to be somewhere at 14h00, I tell them to be there at 12h00 and I can expect the first person to get there at 16h00! No names mentioned *sips water*

They say wasting someone's time is the same as disrespecting them as a person. We all have 24 hours and once a second has passed you can never get it back. Unless you can physically remove an hour from your day and donate it to somebody else, respect every second of their time! It's simple etiquette, if you're going to be late, notify people well in advance. If it happens again...don't let it happen again!

Time heals all wounds

When I was younger this was in a literal sense. I would fall and earn a huge scab on my leg but in time the skin would gradually reconnect and I would heal. The older you get the more you wish that this would be the only kind of hurt you would go through! But it still remains, over time you heal nonetheless.

Perfection takes time

I need to meditate on this! I'm a perfectionist who doesn't have time to take time to perfect anything; I want to perfect it and I want to perfect it NOW! Blame my zodiac sign for this.

In time you will get what is due to you 

We get so caught up keeping up with the Joneses we forget that we did not start the race at the same time, let alone run on the same track! We put ourselves under unnecessary pressure because you look to the right and Sipho is on property ownership number two at the tender age of 25 (*side note* ever noticed how in primary school story sums there is always a Sipho- who is this Sipho guy??), you look to the left and Sandy just got her big break...FOR THE TENTH TIME! Life is unfair like that, we can’t just get what we want when we want it, but in time, all that’s due to you will make its way to you. So learn to be patient, keep moving forward and focus on your own race.

And that’s all I have for this time. Thank you for taking the time to stop by! Till next time...

The diary of...

*ushers off some dust and removes spiders web*

It’s been a while since I last wrote; as usual I’ve been thinking a lot about a lot of things! I’ve also been reading a lot from fiction novels (after having read five consecutive non-fiction books, I’ve decided to take a bit of a breather) to financial publications and business articles; my latest obsession are Harvard Business Review and Forbes.

Is it not funny how social media has turned us into a transparent and secret-sharing people? I once tweeted “Before Facebook asked ‘What’s on your mind’ and Twitter tweets and BBM status, what did we do with our thoughts?” and someone (male) replied “We just had voices in our heads” while another (female) said “WE KEPT DIARIES”!

 And that’s it! There was once a time when we did not want anyone knowing what we were thinking; our private thoughts were private. I recall for my fourteenth birthday, my friend, Nikita bought me a diary. With a lock! I was so paranoid about who would lay their hands on it (even though it had a lock) that I devised codes for really hectic and intimated words like “boy” which was coded “gummy bear” and hug which was “marshmallow” and the big one; “kiss” which was coded “volcano”. Now try stringing together a sentence using all three and go ahead and judge at how ridiculous I must’ve sounded in a single diary entry! Now that all seems like a century ago! How I will explain to my children that there was once a time when we actually wrote our thoughts down when in 2013 we already not only want to tell people what we’re eating, we want them to see! The proof is in the pudding after all, or perhaps in the photo? Don’t you just love Instagram?!

*The pen is mightier than the sword…

At the moment I’m on a dairy-style-writing high!

I’m currently reading “Spud – Learning to Fly” and I find John van de Ruit so hilarious, at times I have to put the book down and just laugh. I grew up reading The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole by Sue Townsend so moving to Spud was only a natural progression J

I’d dedicated to reading a hundred pages of Spud a day so I could finish the book in a week but as I was half way, a friend of mine told me about a blog called **Zulu Girl Goes 2 JHB which I decided to check out, little did I know that I would be so consumed I would sacrifice my sleep to read up to the last chapter. You know that saying “The pen is mightier than the sword”? Well this blog has taken that to another level! In just under two weeks the blog as gone viral! Do not underestimate the power of social media! The issues covered have sparked discussions, some are angry, others emotional and others agitated. It speaks of the reality that we live in and will probably make a lot of parents uncomfortable about sending their daughters off to Johannesburg to study. Tomorrow morning (28 April) the author will be interviewed on Talk Radio 702 (92.7fm) so hopefully then we can all get a better understanding of how this whole concept came about?

The reason why this particular blog (Zulu Girl Goes 2 JHB ) caught my attention was because this very blog that I started was not only to share my experiences but also to keep my creative juices flowing while I work on my book which I was (or am?) hoping to get published in the near future which follows the same premise as Zulu Girl Goes 2 JHB but only half as crude and controversial. But after reading Zulu Girl Goes 2 JHB I looked at my manuscript which I’ve been working on since 2009 and thought to myself:

SHOULD I EVEN BOTHER FINISHING IT??

*“You use this proverb to say that you can solve problems or achieve your purpose better and more effectively through communication with words than by violence with weapons. Edward George Bulwer Lytton (1803-1873), an English novelist, wrote this for the first time in 1839. He wrote, ‘Beneath the rule of men entirely great, the pen is mightier than the sword.’” (http://oels.byu.edu/student/idioms/proverbs/the_pen.html)

**Zulu Girl Goes 2 JHB can be found on the following link: http://diaryofazulugirl.tumblr.com/

I feel the need to add the disclaimer: Read at your own risk! Not for sensitive readers!

Project: Happyness

HAPPY NEW YEAR…ummm…I think?

This post is long over due, but better late than never they say...

Introducing; Project Happyness J

This is an initiative I took on at the beginning of the year from something I saw while trotting around the bloggosphere.

Life can sometimes be so overwhelming! The bad things take it upon themselves to happen all at the same time. The WRONG time! We wallow in our sorrows and forget about our blessings, yet we have so much more to be grateful for!

I started my jar of blessings & happyness in the beginning year. It's looking a little bleak appearance-wise but I'm working on "prettyfying" it.

Here are some pretty neat ones I found on the net for inspiration...

I’m challenging YOU to make 2013 your year of gratitudeJ

Peace. Love. And happyness...

Zee